I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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