Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
Randomize
