i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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