Moan for me like Helen Keller
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
I have already put on my inside pants.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Randomize
