3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
Randomize
