K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
