Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
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