we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
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