Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
My underwear smells like fireworks.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
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