Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
Randomize
