You just made me feel so damn special
im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
i used baking grease as lip gloss
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
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I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
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I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.