Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?