He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
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Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
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Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.