I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
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I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
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Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.