My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
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and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
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Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.