A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
Randomize
