I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
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i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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