ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
I love you.
Bad choice
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