im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now