Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
