god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Randomize
