Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
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