Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
