don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize
