I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
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