last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
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