Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Randomize
