What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
