No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
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