did you make any bad decisions?
many, i pretty much fell in love with a freshman...it doesn't get much better than that
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
