Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
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its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
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That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
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