OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
Randomize
