He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Randomize