your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
Randomize
