PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
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