I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
Randomize
