he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
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