Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
Randomize
