Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
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You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
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A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
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