Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Randomize
