so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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