Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
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