Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
