The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
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