He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
Randomize
