If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
