she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
Randomize
