Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
Randomize
