I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
Randomize
