The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
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