Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Randomize
