she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
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