So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
