I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
My ass is underappreciated
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Randomize
