i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
