dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
Randomize
