Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
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I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
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Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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