happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Randomize
