my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
how drunk are you?
Several
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
