like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
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Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
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I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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