We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
