Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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