Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
Randomize
