Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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